No matter what, she doesn’t deserve that

How many times have you heard about a woman being raped and thinking something like:

“Well, she shouldn’t have gone there with him.”

“Well, she shouldn’t have had that much to drink.”

“Well, can you blame him?  Look at how she was dressed!”

“Well, you know she’s a little easy.”

Let me just say this, as a woman and a friend to someone who was recently sexually assaulted:  NONE OF THESE ARE RAPABLE OFFENSES. 

No woman deserves to be raped, no matter what kind of lapse in judgement she has had. 

No matter how she dressed, she doesn’t deserve this horror. 

No matter what she said, she doesn’t deserve this hell.

No matter how much she drank, she doesn’t deserve this abuse.

No woman deserves to be so elementally violated by anyone. 

No woman deserves the emotional shattering it leaves behind.

No woman deserves the hardship of trying to pick up the pieces mentally.


Let me give you a few statistics, courtesy of RAINN, a national non-profit organization that helps victims of rape, incest and abuse.

The statistics are shocking:

Every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted.

Approximately38% of victims are violated by a friend or acquaintance.

1 out of every 6 women in America has been a victim of a rape or attempted rape.

9 out of every 10 rape victims were women in 2009.

54% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police.

Out of every 100 rapes:

46 get reported to police.

12 lead to an arrest.

9 get prosecuted.

5 get felony convictions.

3 rapists will spend a single day in prison.

The other 97 rapists walk free.

Whether you are a man or a woman, you should be shocked at these statistics.  You should be outraged at the mentality of people when talking about a rape victim.

A rape victim will chose not to report the rape, or refuse to go forward with an investigation, because she knows that she will be publicly scrutinized for her behavior before and after the rape. While there are some women out there that do cry rape untruthfully, those women that are truly abused and sexually assaulted know that they will be put through the ringer emotionally and mentally to try to prove their case.  This, in my mind, is another kind of abuse.

She will be questioned endlessly about her sexual habits, her behavior, her drinking habits, what she wears, where she goes.

As if the rape were something that she asked for.  As if she somehow contributed to the attacker making the decision to attack her in such a horrible way.

There is no offense that a woman could commit that would justify rape.


No if, no ands, no buts.

As a woman, I am constantly aware of who is around me and where I am. But when I’m with friends, I trust them to have my back.  According to those statistics I posted, maybe I should watch those that I call friends more closely.

As a woman, I am constantly aware that how I dress and talk will label me as classy or a slut.  Having recently been called a slut at work for nothing more than doing a friend a favor and handing him car keys, I can understand why a woman would never report a rape.

No one likes to be scrutinized.  No one likes someone questioning their every little movement, scrutinizing every word used, looking for some way to cast blame on the victim rather than the perpetrator.

No one would voluntarily go through that.  Well, no sane person, anyway.

Point is, think before you say something about a woman that has accused someone of rape.  Take the time to support er thruogh the horrible time that she is about to go through.  Think if it were yourself (if you are a woman) or you sister, or mother or daughter. 

Who would you be willing to cast the blame on if it were a woman that you knew?

Then why are you casting blame on a complete stranger?

Rape is a crime.  No matter who it happens to, no matter who perpetrates it.  It is a crime.  No matter if it is a grown woman or a child. 

The criminal should be punished.  Not the victim.


25 thoughts on “No matter what, she doesn’t deserve that

  1. You are an amazing woman! Good job on showing the rest of the world how to treat others. Everyone should follow your example.

    • We should all, every one of us, be screaming these things to the rafters. Through discusion and understanding, we’ll remove the stigma associated with rape and put the blame in the correct place.

  2. I know the movie is fiction; however, I totally enjoyed the movie “Taken”. However, having said that, it really does concern me that “white slavery” exists and that women, especially, need to worry that a compliment could be an introduction to terror.

  3. Sexism still exists, no one likes to talk about it. Rape, and how it’s handled, is a big example of that. The courts are basically saying it’s okay to rape by how they treat rape cases. And society confirms by shaming the victims. But if you have cocaine on you, you will be locked up in a minute!

  4. I agree.
    I hope you would you be willing to defend yourself to stop rape. I hope your are more than willing to defend yourself, but are actually able and practiced.
    I can hope.

  5. I am so impressed by your website and the comments are so helpful to so many. As a pastor, I have counseled couples and this is certainly one that I should bookmark to remember for these are truly beneficial. No excuses. Great facts. Thank you.

  6. Listening to my 18 year olds daughter’s comments about how some of the boys her age talk about women is shocking. It seems that there is a regression regarding respect for women, probably partly to do with easy access to internet sleaze and the way women are portrayed in the music industry is another example. What went wrong?

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